Simple Steps for Developing Difficult Personalities

Difficult personalities are resistant to change, don’t work well with others, and can even be arrogant or aggressive. Here’s how to manage these types of individuals without eroding camaraderie or culture.

The sign of a great leader is the ability to work with all personality types. The reality is, where people congregate in close-knit groups, such as the office, conflict is inevitable; and when they involve high-powered personalities that are challenging to rein in, can make a somewhat manageable problem virtually inextinguishable.

Leading people of all work and personality styles is an ongoing adventure that takes experience, practice, and patience. And if you’ve not yet been tasked with managing a difficult personality, that time will most assuredly come, and there are things you can do to be prepared. If you want to reduce friction and uphold the company culture you’ve worked so hard to build, here are a few simple steps to developing difficult personalities.

How to Identify a Difficult Personality

In many ways, you identify a difficult personality the moment you encounter it. But knowing the characteristics of a difficult personality can give you the knowledge to intervene early before those toxic traits permeate the team. According to the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL), difficult people often exude these 10 behaviors:

1. Poor job performance

2. Doesn’t work well with others

3. Doesn’t respond to coaching

4. Resistant to change

5. Not responsible for their own actions

6. Has a negative attitude

7. Poor work ethic

8. Displays arrogance

9. Poor communication skills

10. Mismatched between skills and actual job

Other researchers suggest seven core ingredients that comprise a difficult person:

1. Callousness

2. Grandiosity

3. Aggressiveness

4. Suspiciousness

5. Manipulation

6. Domineering

7. Risk-taking

Since most difficult people don’t walk into the office with a sign on their forehead naming which difficult quality is most pervasive, or even that they are a difficult person in general, it will be on you, leader, to identify these traits and harness them in a way that works well for the team and the organization. In other words, difficult personalities can be an asset or a liability. The determining factor is not solely up to the manager, but they can play a big part.

How Leaders Should Approach Difficult Personalities

Whether you are leading a difficult personality or not, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to leadership, and each person requires an individualized approach to being led. While leading difficult personalities can be a challenge, don’t fall into the trap of reacting before responding, or stooping to their level. Here are some tips for approaching difficult personalities and making the best of a potential unruly (and often undesirable) situation:

• Fine-tune your conflict management skills. Oftentimes, difficult personalities can leak an element of toxicity into an otherwise upbeat and thriving company culture. Leaders who avoid nipping such behaviors in the bud run the risk of creating other resentful employees and eroding the camaraderie on the team. Identifying behaviors and taking appropriate measures to resolve them early are integral to preserving the integrity of the team and not succumbing to the antics of the difficult employee. Want to find out your conflict management style? Click here.

• Avoid being defensive and instead, keep your composure. While tempting, leave inflammatory language, finger-pointing, or emotional reactivity at the door. And know you can bring in additional support, be it a coworker, another leader, or HR if needed to remedy the situation and decide the best path forward.

• Master the art of communication. When leading a difficult personality, you may find yourself in meetings with this individual often. Improving your communication skills is vital. Preparing before the conversation, choosing the right environment for the discussion, and staying focused on the goal can be helpful in navigating these discussions. Further, using positive and inclusive word choice rather than authoritative or iron-fist communication styles can yield more favorable results.

Harnessing the Strengths of the Difficult Personality

Keep in mind that difficult personalities are not inherently bad. In fact, difficult personalities are often strong personalities that have the ability to influence an entire team and affect positive change if appropriately redirected. This is a Catch-22 since the influence of a difficult personality on the team can be positive or negative. The good news is, as a leader, you have a unique ability to not only relate to them and help them identify their skills and abilities but to help harness them in a way that boosts collaboration and cohesion on the team and builds their self-awareness and self-control. In any case, keeping top of mind in your discussions to enforce culture guidelines and team expectations often—and holding them accountable—are paramount to positive performance.

Difficult personalities can be an asset or a liability. If you’ve tried everything to develop them into an asset to no avail, and their behavior has continued to disrupt output, productivity, or the culture, they simply may just not be a fit for the team.

The good news?

Now you have some experience under your belt dealing with difficult personalities which despite their unseemly behavior, makes you a better leader.

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